Chapter Eighty-Six: Carrie is Not Amused

Two weeks later, the Humbugs (now known as Sally and Bobby) were both still at the commune--Sally in the fields and Bobby working with housekeeping--and Dan and Sal were still arguing.  The construction crew wasn’t even paying attention and, when they hit a snag, they met together without Sal and Dan and worked it out.  And people went on to other things in the commune meetings.

Like the cute black kitten that had wandered onto the commune and Strange Brew had started feeding.

“We have a cat already,” Marge said.  “We don’t need to have two cats.”

“But this is a kitten,” Strange Brew said.  “Besides, he’s really cute.”

“Do you know how much money Carrie is costing us a year to feed and take care of?” Sal said.  “I don’t mind doing it for one cat but, like Marge said, we don’t need two cats.”

“And what happens if we take in this kitten?” Cat said.  “What happens if someone finds another cat?  How many cats are we willing to support?  Twelve?”

Four people tried to talk at once.  Blue Sky, who was running the commune meeting said, “Okay.  Viv, then Dan, then Lois, and then Zelda.”

“Carrie hasn’t caused us any problems,” Viv said.  “It’s been a lotta fun having her here.  What makes anyone think there will be any trouble with a new kitten?  I’ve see the little fella.  He’s really cute.”

“I agree with Sal and Cat,” Dan said.  “We really don’t need another cat here.  I think one is more than enough.”

“Yeah, but maybe Carrie is lonely,” Birch said.

“Wait, wait,” Blue Sky said.  “You’ll get your turn. Lois?”

“Yeah,” she said.  “I was going to say what Birch said.  I think that maybe Carrie needs a cat friend.  Maybe she’d enjoy having a kitten around.”

“Maybe she’d get to try out mothering,” Patsy said.

“Wait!” Blue Sky said.  “Zelda?”

“Maybe we should try having him as an experiment,” Zelda said.  “We could just have him for a week and see how things go.  See if Carrie likes him and how he is around the farm.  If it doesn’t work, we don’t have to keep him.”

“Yeah,” said Sowbug.  “Let’s try that.”

“Is that a proposal?” asked Blue Sky.

After thirty-three minutes of debate, Zelda’s proposal was passed.

                                                                    *

Carrie was not enjoying this new experience.

Carrie had gotten used to Harry, who at least had the good graces to stay in his aquarium.  She liked the people at the commune who petted her and fed her.  She was intimidated by the goats and the cow and amused by the chickens--which she wasn’t able to get at because of all that chicken wire.

But this strange new addition to the farm was something else.  He was small and black and the people of the commune were feeding and petting him.  And this little creature was everywhere and paid no attention to Carrie.

She would stroll right up to him and he would ignore her.  She’d arch her back and hiss at him and he would ignore here.  He was worse than the lizard.

Finally, she decided to ignore the little thing back.  She’d show him.

But the little black kitten just ignored Carrie ignoring him.

Carrie wasn’t enjoying this at all.

“I was so hoping that the cats would like each other,” Lois said to Mo as they were watching each of them working so hard to ignore the other one.  “I don’t think this is going well.”

“Yeah,” Mo said.  “I don’t think Miss Carrie is amused.”

“Yup,” Lois sighed, as she watched the tabby slink away from her latest encounter with the kitten.  “Not working.”

Chapter Eighty-Five: The Meeting

“Okay, okay,” said Marge, who was trying to lead the regular Wednesday night Commune Meeting.  “Let’s get started.  We have a lot to discuss tonight. What should we begin with?”

Dan said, “Sal and I need some help from the group in order to move forward.”

Luna said, “Before we do that, we really need to figure out which Humbug we’re keeping.”

“It better be me,”  Humbug Sally said.  “I applied here first.”

“Well, you better not toss me out,” Humbug Bobby said.

“Before you try to figure out which Humbug is which,” Sal said, “we’ve really to deal with some real interpersonal issues.  Dan and I are having a lot of problems and it’s stopping the construction work.”

Viv said, “I understand that, we just need to sort out the Humbugs first.”

“No, please,” Earthworm said.  “The building problem is a lot more urgent.  We’re not going to get anything done until we’ve worked things out between Sal and Dan.”

“Well, I’m tired of refereeing between Humbugs,” said Luna. “Let’s just get that taken care of first before they do any real damage to each other.”

“I’m worried about Dan and Sal doing damage to each other,” Mo said.  “Can we please focus on that first and then take care of more minor problems.”

“Dealing with my stupid brother is not a minor problem!” HS yelled.

“Well, you deal with your stupid brother!” yelled Lois.  “I want to be able to get some work done.”

“Well, I want to be able to get some work done, too!” Viv screamed.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute!” yelled Marge.  “You’ll all get your turn.  We just need to figure out which issue we deal with first.”

“That’s easy!” Dan said.  “Sal and me.  We’re your commune mates!”

“You may be our commune mates,” Luna said, “But I’m the commune founder and I’m just about to ready to start tearing my hair out!”

                                                                    *

Three hours later, much of the commune had gone to bed.  Marge, Luna, Dan, Viv, Sal, Mo, Lois, Earthworm, Sorrel, Dandelion, Sowbug, and the two Humbugs were all still arguing.

“Look, everyone,” Marge said.  “It looks like we’re all that’s left and I’m very tired and I want to go to bed.  You can continue to argue about who gets to go first, but really, the meeting’s over.  No one gets to go first.  At this point, we’re not going to discuss anything at all.”

“Well, what are you going to do about my stupid brother?” Humbug Sally said.  “I thought you said it would be resolved by tonight.”

“Nevermind that,” Sal said.  “How am I going to be able to work with Dan--in less than seven hours?  I thought the point of having commune meetings was to be able to resolve things like this.”

“Well, I’m just not going to be able to work with you,” Dan said.  “It’s not your fault.  If these other folks weren’t so selfish…”

“Wait a minute!” Luna yelled.  “You want selfish.  The two of you are so enmeshed in your little quarrel that you couldn’t even give us the space to work out something that affects the whole commune.”

“The whole commune??” Sorrel said.  “You want something that affects the whole commune.  Wait until we don’t have any more new buildings…”

“New buildings?” Sowbug said.  “I’m not even sure we’ll be able to do any maintenance work until stuff gets resolved between Sal and Dan.”

The two Humbugs stopped glaring at each other and started glaring at Sowbug.

Luna and Dan began talking, heatedly, just inches from each other.

Viv and Sal and Sorrel started engaging in an intense conversation that Earthworm and Dandelion joined in on.  Lois and Mo just looked at each other.

No one noticed when Marge walked out of the room and went to bed.

Chapter Eighty-Four: The Real Humbug

The two Humbugs glared at each other.

“What are you doing here, Bobby?” one of them finally said.  She did not look happy.

“Why should you have all the fun, Sally?” the other one said.  

“I specifically asked you not to come here,” Humbug Sally said.

“You’re not the boss of me,” said Humbug Bobby. “Mom said she thought I should come here.”

“I applied for the BBAA position just so I could get a break from you and Mom.”

“You don’t ever want to do anything with me!”

“No, I don’t.  What gives you the right to come here and pretend to be me?”

“Wait,” Viv said. “Are you two brother and sister?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” HS said.

“And she is really unfortunate,” HB said.  “She never gives me a chance to do anything fun.  You said I could stay.”

“That was before I knew the situation,” Luna said.  “Let me get this straight.  You, Humbug Sally, were the one who filled out the BBAA application.”

“Yes,” HS said.  “I filled out the application and decided to call myself Humbug because I was sick of being Sally and sick of being in that small town and sick of my obnoxious brother trying to horn in on everything that I do.”

“I’m sick of that small town as well and I’m sick of you getting to do everything and me not able to do anything,” HB said.  “Why can’t we both come to this commune and get to do farming and stuff?”

“Where is King Solomon when we need him?”  Marge said.

“Look,” Luna said.  “I’m going to need some time to figure this out.  For right now, Marge can you find tents for the two Humbugs?”

“I have a tent,” HS said.  “I came prepared.  And I’m the real Humbug.”

“Okay,” Luna said.  “Show them where to set up--and don’t put them near one another.”

                                                                    *

Viv and Luna were still trying to work it all out when Dan and Sal walked in.

“We have a problem,” Luna said.

“No kidding,” said Sal.

“I think she means they have a problem,” Dan said.

“Oh,” said Sal.  “Then we have a problem, too.”

“What’s up?” asked Dan.

“You remember Humbug, the BBAAer that was supposed to come today,” Luna said.

“Uh-huh,” said Dan.

“Well, now we have two of them,” Luna said.

“Two Humbugs?” asked Dan.

“Two Humbugs,” confirmed Luna.

“How did you get two Humbugs?”

“That’s a really good question,” Viv said.  “We’re still trying to figure out which is which and what’s what.”

“While you are sorting out your Humbugs,” Sal said, “Dan and I need to go off to sort some other stuff out.”

“Yes,” Dan said.  “Good luck with your Humbugs.”

After Sal and Dan left, Viv and Luna could hear their raised voices echoing down the hallway.

“It sounds like they might be having problems, too,” Viv said.  “Should we be worried?”

“Not right now,” Luna said.  “We still have to figure out how to deal with these Humbugs.  We just have two too many Humbugs.”

“So what do you think we should do?”

“I think we’re gonna need to bring it up in the Commune Meeting,” Luna said.  “What else can we do?”

Chapter Eighty-Three: BBAA, Humbug

“It’s that time of the year again,” Luna said.

“What time is that?” asked Dan.

“Time to look at all the BBAAers that we could get.”

“Remind me again what BBAA means.”

Luna sighed.  “Building Better Alternatives in Agriculture.  It’s basically a way that kids that want to learn how to grow stuff can see the world.”

“Free labor for us,” Dan said.

“Yeah,” Luna said.  “Free labor.  And we’ve already had one applicant.  Someone named Humbug.”

“Humbug.”

“Yep,” Luna said.  “Sent in a nice looking resume.  Seems to know a lot about plants.  So I sent out an invitation to come here.”

“And did Humbug accept?”

“Humbug accepted.  Humbug will be here at the end of the week.”

“Hey, this is something to look forward to.  I can’t wait.”

“You can’t wait?”  Luna looked puzzled.  “What can’t you wait for?”

Dan smiled.  “I can’t wait to introduce Humbug to Sowbug.”

                                                                    *

It was actually a little over a week before Humbug arrived.  Humbug turned out to be a young guy of about sixteen years old.

“I really want to learn to farm,” he told Luna and Viv.  

“Have you had any experience growing things?” Viv asked.

“Yeah,” he said.  “We have a garden at home and I helped out in it a bunch.  I like to take care of plants and grow things.  I’d have done more except my older sister was really bossy and wanted to do everything.”

“We’ll need your parent’s permission for you to be here if you’re under eighteen,” Luna said.

“I don’t think that will be a problem,” Humbug said, although he looked a little nervous.  “My mom knew I was coming here and I’m sure she’ll give you permission.”

“Well, we do need to ask,” Luna said.  “You’re okay if we call her?”

“No problem,” Humbug said.  “I’ll write down the number.”

“Okay,” Luna said.  “I’ll call her this afternoon.  Are you sure you’re okay with tenting?”

“Yeah, our family went camping a lot.  I’m used to living in a tent.”

“Have you got a tent?”

“Not really,” Humbug said.  “I left in a hurry and didn’t pack a lot.”

“I wouldn’t worry,” Viv said.  “I think we have a spare tent or two around here.  I’ll help you find one when we’re done.”

“Well, I think we’re about done,” said Luna.  “Do you have any questions for us or anything that you think you’ll need help with?”

“Not that I can think of,” Humbug said.  He still looked nervous and seemed to want the interview to be over.

Luna was about to end it when Marge came in.

“Excuse me,” she said.  “But your new BBAAer is here.”

“New BBAAer?” Luna asked.

“Yeah,” Marge said.  “She says her name is Humbug.”

Chapter Eighty-Two: Under Construction

It was well into April and most of the snow was gone from the farm.  Luna and Viv and Chuck and Patsy and Birch were out in the fields, plotting and foraging and planting.  Strange Brew was taking care of the chickens and goats and their one cow, making sure that they were well fed and enjoying the spring.

And, in the very back field, up against the brook, the construction crew was laying the foundation for the new residence under the able direction of Sal and Dan.

“No,” said Dan.  “Over there.”

“What?” said Sal.  “That’s way too far over.” She grabbed a fallen branch and used it as a pointer.  “Put it here.”

“Look,” said Sowbug.  “We can put it here or we can put it there, but we can’t put it both places.  When the two of you can agree to something, we’ll do it.”

While Sal, Dan, and Sowbug were arguing, Dandelion, Sorrel, Earthworm, Mo, and Lois were carting in concrete blocks, from one side of the farm to the other.

“Over hill, over dale, I can barely see the trail,” sang Sorrel.  She was the only one who seemed to have the energy to say anything.

Dandelion and Earthworm were pushing the cart she was pulling and Lois and Mo were struggling with the second cart.  Both carts had as many blocks as they could fit in them.

“At least this should help us work up an appetite,” Sorrel said.  

Dandelion grunted at her.

“Only one more hill to go,” Sorrel said.

Mo stopped so suddenly that Lois almost fell over.  “Tell me why we’re doing this again,” she asked.

“You wanted to live on a commune,” Lois said.  “You said we’d be able to get some great experiences.”

“This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind,” Mo said.

“C’mon,” Lois said.  “We’ve only got three more cartloads left.”

                                                                    *

Within a week the foundation of the new residence was finished.  

Dan and Sal stood in the middle of where the residence would be built and were heatedly discussing the future direction of the building.

“I mean, really,” said Sal.  “This foundation can hold a couple of stories.”

“I don’t know,” Dan said.  “That may be pushing it.  Why don’t we stay with a single floor for now?  We could always try adding another story later.”

“Would you two stop it?” Earthworm asked.  “It’s going to be hard to build something if the two of you can’t agree on anything.”

“Tell me about it,” Sowbug said.  “I’ve been listening to them argue for the past six days.  I’m amazed we even completed the foundation.”

“Okay, okay,” Sal said.  “Let’s just build one story for now.  I can live with that.”

“Thank you,” Dan said.

“Now can we start with the actual building?” Mo asked.

“Sure,” said Sal.  “Let’s start with the framing.”

“Good,” said Dandelion.  “We’ve got the timber over there.  We’re ready.”

Lois and Sorrel dragged a few boards over to the foundation.

“Okay,” Earthworm said.  “Now, where do we start?”

“Right in this corner over here,” Dan said.

“Wait a minute,” said Sal.  “That’s the northeast corner.  It’s so much better to start with the southwest corner.”

“You’re kidding,” Dan said.  “Since when?”

“Since I’ve done construction,” Sal said.  “Where did you learn to build?”

Sowbug sighed.  “I think this is going to be a long project.”

Chapter Eighty-One: Debt and Taxes

It was Wednesday night and the commune was involved in another fun-filled meeting.

“What do you mean, we’re in debt?” Strange Brew asked.  “Luna, I thought you were all paid up for this farm.”

“Well, yeah, I bought the farm,” Luna said, “but I did it with a mortgage and we still owe on the mortgage.”

“We got a great rate on the mortgage and pay very little,” Sal said, “but we won’t be paid up for another fifty-three years.”

“Yeah,” Luna said again, “I’ll be seventy-three before we completely own this place.”

“But can the bank just take the place back if we fall behind?” asked Blue Sky.

“The trick is,” Cat said, “we don’t want to fall behind.”

“Yes,” Sal said, “and that’s why the fact that we took in less money last month is so important.  I want to say again that we’re still doing okay, but we need to keep tracking our expenses and pay attention to how we’re doing so that we’re not in any danger of falling behind.”

“And, if any of you want to help with this,” Dan said, “you can join the finance committee.”

“Not me,” Darren said.  “I hate numbers.”

“And not me,” Nancy said.  “I worry too much about money.”

“Well, maybe I’ll join the committee,” Strange Brew said.  “I’d like to know more about how we’re doing, money wise.”

“Well, welcome aboard,” said Dan.  “We meet every other week after the commune meeting, including tonight.  Anyone should feel free to stay and join us.”

“And we promise not to make you do any financial work outside of the meeting,” Sal said.  She paused and looked around the room.  “At least not after the first meeting that you come to.  We’ll see about what we do after you attend your second meeting.”

                                                                    *

“So I have a question,”  Strange Brew said at the finance committee meeting.  “It’s tax week and I don’t understand why we don’t have to pay taxes.”

The meeting was held in a room upstairs in Groovy House.  Sitting around Strange Brew was Sal and Dan and Marge and Paul G.

“I thought I explained that to everyone,” Dan said.

“Well, you did,” Strange Brew admitted, “but I didn’t quite understand it.”

“Let me try,” Sal said.  “The commune pays all the taxes, so none of us has to pay individually.”

“I got that,” Strange Brew said.  “But I don’t understand why.”

“We’ve got a special tax status,” Sal said.  “It’s called a 501z and it’s available only to communes, cults, and conspiracy theorists.  Basically, since we all share all our money, we just pay once for all of us.”

“But what about our allowance?” Strange Brew asked.

“We make five dollars a week,” Marge said.  “Do you think the government cares about that?”

“I guess not,” Strange Brew said.

“Can we go back to the business plan?” asked Paul G.

“Absolutely,” said Marge.  “I want to make sure that we don’t go into real debt.  That wouldn’t be pretty.”

“Okay,” Sal said.  “So this involves increasing our sales at both the produce stand and at the baked goods stand.”

“We also have some ideas for new projects and businesses,” said Dan.  “I think between the increased sales and the new income streams, this is going to boost our revenue tremendously.”

“Wow,” said Strange Brew.  “Boost our revenue.  That makes it sound like we’re a real business.”

Sal looked at Strange Brew.  “If you’re going to be on the finance committee, you’ve got to believe that we are a real business.”

“Wow,” said Strange Brew again.

Chapter Eighty: … and Plotting

Less than a week later, Luna and Viv stood over that same map.

“Here’s where I think the squashes should go,” said Viv, wielding a familiar stick.

“Should we put the zucchini in a patch next to the squashes?” asked Chuck.

“Shouldn’t we give them a little more room to grow?” asked Birch.

“I think that if we try to give all the vegetables lots of room, we’ll run out of space,” said Patsy, who sat very close to Birch.

“I think we’ll have enough space as long as we don’t get carried away,” Viv said.  “We have a bit of expansion room here.”  She pointed at the area on the map near the field where they held concerts.

“Yeah,” said Strange Brew.  “That should work.”

“Fine,” said Patsy.  “As long as all of you are okay with it.”

“Okay.  I think that covers most of the vegetables,” Chuck said.  “This should give us quite a nice farming area.”

“One other thing,” said Luna.  “I’m hoping that this is the year we begin to put in fruit and nut trees.  Can I borrow that?” she asked Viv.  

Viv handed her the stick.  Luna pointed to an area at the edge of the fields, right where the hillsides began.  “I think we could take out some of these old hemlocks and put in apple, peach, pear, pawpaw, mango, walnut, and filbert trees.” She then pointed to an area on field proper.  “We could put some raspberry and blackberry bushes over here, along with a strawberry patch and maybe a grape arbor.”

“Wow,” said Birch. “This all sounds great.  I love fruit and nuts.”

“Absolutely,” said Strange Brew.  “Me, too.”

“Wait a minute,” Patsy said.  “You were kidding about the mangos, right?”

“Just seeing if you were paying attention,” Luna said.

                                                                    *

“Mushrooms,” Birch said.  “We should grow mushrooms.”

“Must rooms?” said Patsy, in a very sleepy voice.  “Must we?”

“We’ve got all these logs lying in the woods,” Birch said.  “We could use them to grow lots of mushrooms on.”

“Can it wait until the morning?” Patsy asked.  She rolled over so that she faced Birch.  “Pretty please?”

“Sure,” he said, but he lay awake for the next hour or so just thinking about it.

The next morning he approached Luna and Viv about his thoughts.

“I think that’s a great idea,” said Viv.  “We can add that to the mix of what we produce.”

“We’re already sprouting and krauting,” said Birch.  “Why not ‘shrooming’?”

“We could use the front of that area where I want to put in the fruit and nut trees,” Luna said.  “I wish we could grow mushrooms on hemlock logs.”

Chuck had walked into the room as Luna was talking.  “Shrooms,” he said.  “What kind of ‘shrooms were you thinking of growing?”

“I don’t know,” Birch said.  “Probably Portatakee and Oyster of the Woods.  Or something like that.”

“Sounds good to me,” Luna said.  “Why don’t you order some and we can start growing them as soon as the last of the snow melts?”

“Sounds great,” said Birch.